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Confidence: The Best Way to Combat Bullying

September 6, 2017 | 0 Comment(s)

Recently at the VMAs, the pop-singer Pink used her acceptance speech as a platform to address the insecurities that she’d heard from her six-year-old daughter. Her daughter felt she was ugly because she thought she looked like a boy with long hair. Because she’s so young, it’s easy to see how these insecurities could be attributed to bullying. Pink explained to her child that she’d faced criticism herself for being too masculine and did not let it deter her from becoming successful. She proceeded to show her daughter iconic celebrities that were considered odd and had endured the same criticism and managed to become legendary people. This allowed the little girl to see how amazing it is to be different when you have confidence and embrace who you are.

Bullying has always been a difficult topic to discuss. Some people avoid the topic in an effort to keep the peace but rarely does ignoring a problem ever solve it. Bullying causes children to feel inferior to others and doubt themselves when they should be using this time to discover who they are, what makes them unique, and be confident in that person. At a young age, embracing who you are is difficult to do when others try to keep you down.

Why do kids bully?

Lack of self-confidence is the main reason that bullies do what they do. You’d assume that bullies have the most confidence, but they prey on those that they perceive to be weak because of their own insecurities. Most of the time, bullies have been already bullied by someone else and are simply taking out their aggression on whoever is accessible. They do this in an effort to make themselves feel superior. Their lack of confidence leads them to do cruel things to gain a sense of empowerment and control. Making their victims feel small is always the goal, so they’ll target whoever they believe they can break.

How to combat bullying?

Making sure that your child’s school has an anti-bullying awareness campaign is a great first step. Aside from that, if bullies don’t perceive your child as a victim, they’ll have nothing to target. Mind you, this has nothing to do with how intimidating your child looks, but with how they carry themselves. Instilling a sense confidence in our children will allow them to deter bullies. If your child is strong-minded, they cannot be broken by an insecure person. They’ll have a self-confidence and positive self-image that cannot be shaken because they truly believe in themselves and feel empowered.

What makes a person confident?

Confidence is essentially certainty or the belief that you can trust someone or something. Self-confidence is believing and trusting in yourself. This doesn’t happen overnight, but it is a decision be better and do better. Children must be exposed to confidence in order to learn confidence. They look to their role models to empower them before they learn to look inward for validation. It’s important as parents to tell our children how smart, or beautiful, or talented they are and to teach them that they can obtain anything that they work hard for. We must encourage them to try new things and develop a sense of importance.

Back in 2012, a psychologist by the name of Amy Cuddy presented a very popular Ted Talk that focused on the effectiveness of body language and power posing. She explains that our nonverbals actually speak volumes to others and ourselves. When we are proud, we naturally tend to stretch out and open up our bodies. When we are less confident, we do the opposite and make ourselves small. When you’re alone, all you have to do is assume high-power poses for about two minutes, even when you don’t feel very confident, and your body will respond with real confidence. This talk was directed towards adults when facing interviews or other stressful situations that might require a little extra confidence, but who says this can’t apply to children?

What’s the best way to instill confidence in a child?

Although there are many options as far as how a child can gain confidence, physical activities and training like martial arts would be one of the best choices. The discipline that a child learns during martial arts training allows them to gain a sense of control. It requires kids to focus on their goal and using their abilities to achieve that goal. Teaching a child to master his or her body allows them to find that independence that they need.

Many powerful poses and stances are taught during martial arts training, so imagine the incredible effect that these classes could have on your child. Every single class provides them with techniques that focus on posture and poised behavior. Every sparring match allows your child to perform under pressure, which is a huge benefit and skill that must be used throughout life. Your child will take the confidence learned from martial arts and carry it with them in everyday life.

How will children be affected by martial arts overall?

Your children will be walking tall with their heads held high, owning the confidence that they’ve developed. Although confidence can easily become arrogance, the martial arts also teach humbleness and sportsmanship. This is an extremely important characteristic to have because, without humbleness, your child could easily become the bully. Be sure to keep your child down to earth as their confidence soars.

In addition to the confidence that they will have gained, they’ll obviously acquire some useful techniques in combat. While violence is never the goal in martial arts, in the worse case scenario, your child will be able to defend themselves if they are ever threatened. Let’s face it, you’ll always have those alphas in life that just want to dominate everyone. But, if your child is strong-minded, those bullies won’t be successful in making them feel small. The bully will have wasted their time trying to break the powerful human being that you’ve raised.

Ways To Help Your Child Overcome Bullying

September 16, 2015 | 0 Comment(s)

It can be difficult for parents to know if their child is a victim of bullying and to take decisive action to protect him or her. Children are often ashamed at what they perceive to be their own problem, so they may not confide in their families. It is up to parents to identify the signs of bullying, provide support and take steps to help prevent the situation in the future.

Common signs of a child who is bullied include:

  • Reluctance to go to school. When a child who previously enjoyed school suddenly begins complaining of frequent stomachaches or other ailments to avoid going, this could be sign of bullying.
  • Reluctance to get on the school bus. If the bus is the location of bullying, children may lobby for parents to drive them to school or even ask if they can walk or ride a bike.
  • Sudden withdrawal from friends. If a former friend is the bully, a child may not want to be part of a group anymore.

Parents who suspect that children are being bullied have several options to help their child cope with the situation, including:

  • Enlist the help of school officials. Approaching teachers, principals and others in the role of seeking help rather than accusing can allow parents to gain allies. A good way to do this is to ask teachers what they have observed and listen to their responses.
  • See if there are other victims of the same bully. A little investigation can help uncover other children who are afraid of or dislike the bully in question, which may help parents determine what is happening or why their child is a target.
  • Assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses. Knowing what is setting the bully off may help parents uncover reasons for bullying. At the same time, parents can help children play up their strengths so that they have better self-esteem, which is often an antidote for bullying.
  • Create a safe haven for children to vent. Telling a child that he or she “should not feel that way” or that the child simply needs to “grow up” will likely shut down lines of communication. Children should always have a safe place to vent in their own homes.
  • Seek counseling. Some bullying problems are very serious. If a child shows any sign of depression or rage, counseling should be considered.

Parents can be a child’s strongest ally in the fight against bullying. By following some commonsense tips, parents can turn a negative bullying experience into a positive growth opportunity for a child.

How to Respond to Verbal Bullying

February 9, 2015 | 0 Comment(s)

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Verbal bullying is an all too common event that children face both in and out of school.

This situation happens most commonly in school but it can also happen outside of school hours at sports events, parties and other areas where teens congregate.

Knowing what to do and how to respond to verbal bullying is something that all teens, children and parents must learn.

 

Leave the Situation

Whenever possible, someone who is being verbally bullied should leave the situation if it is possible to do so safely. Leaving the area before the situation escalates can help to avoid serious physical injury.

Walking away without saying a word may sometimes be the best way to respond to verbal bullying.

 

Preparing to Respond

When walking away from the bullying is not possible, teens may need to come up with a verbal response to the bully. Strategizing about what to say to the bully can help things go as smoothly as possible. Having a plan can help a teen prevent overreactions and can lead to enhanced self-confidence.

Practicing ahead of time can help a teen when such a situation arises.

 

The Response

Maintaining a steady voice, making eye contact with the bully and speaking in a confident way are essentials for a good response to verbal bullying. Teens can try to diffuse the situation by using these types of responses:

  • Fogging. This is done to confuse the bully. Fogging responses include a single word or just a few words that are neutral or positive. Examples of fogging responses to a bully include “so?”, “who cares?” and “maybe.”
  • Agreeing statements. These statements confirm the facts regarding the verbal bullying. An example of an agreeing statement is, “Yes, you’re right.”
  • Comeback lines. These responses are meant to stump the bully and make him or her think twice about his or her actions. Comeback lines may include statements such as, “whatever you say.”

Responses to verbal bullying should not try to incite anger or escalate the situation. Using a comeback line can be tricky; this type of response requires careful practice and assessment of the situation to ensure that the situation does not worsen.

 

Verbal Bullying: What it is and how to stop it

February 2, 2015 | 0 Comment(s)

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Verbal bullying is a serious issue that many children and teenagers face. In order to put a stop to this type of abuse, parents, teachers and members of the community must first understand what it is.

Once a verbal bullying situation is recognized, a variety of strategies can be used to stop it before the situation worsens.

 

What Verbal Bullying Is

Verbal bullying is most often committed by girls. It may consist of rumor spreading, using words that demean or degrade the victim or using words that cause social exclusion.

It may also be done as a way to dominate others. This type of bullying is just as damaging as physical bullying and can lead to serious effects for the victim, including an increased risk of suicide.

 

Ways Kids Can Stop Verbal Bullying

There are several responses and actions that kids can take that may help to put an end to verbal bullying. Some things to try include:

  • Using neutral statements. Responding to a bully’s verbal assaults with neutral comments such as “possibly” or “maybe so” indicates to the bully that he or she isn’t going to get a big reaction from the victim.
  • Using positive or agreeing statements. Examples of these include “who cares?” or “Yes, you’re right.”
  • Remaining civil. Don’t sink to the level of the bully. Doing so may escalate the situation.
  • Telling an authority figure. Bullying that interferes with a child’s social life, confidence, well-being and mental or physical health must be reported to an authority figure as soon as possible. An authority figure may be someone like a teacher, school counselor, school nurse, playground aide, tutor or parent.

Once a parent, teacher or another authority figure is made aware of a verbal bullying situation, action must be taken. An authority figure may be able to physically separate the bully from his or her victim.

The authority figure may be able to increase awareness of the effects of bullying and help others to identify such behaviors in the classroom, cafeteria and other places.

Adults can also help to diffuse the situation by determining what the motivating factors behind the bully’s behaviors are.

 

2014 Bullying Statistics Recently Revealed

January 19, 2015 | 0 Comment(s)

With the prevalence of technology, today’s bullying not only includes in-person threats and physical violence but also the online world of cyber bullying. The most recent 2014 bullying statistics may shock parents, educators and the community due to the widespread prevalence of this sometimes deadly behavior.

 

The Who and Where of Bullying

According to a study by UCLA, 20 percent of students in grades 9 through 12 have experienced bullying, as have 28 percent of students in grades 6 through 12. Most bullying behaviors take place in the classroom.

This is where 29.3 percent of those who were bullied experienced the event. Other common places where bullying occurs include in the hallways and locker areas, where 29.0 percent experienced bullying; 23.4 percent were bullied in the cafeteria; 19.5 percent were bullied in gym class and 12.2 percent were bullied in the bathroom.

 

bullying_1Types of Bullying

The most common type of bullying behavior in schools is name calling. This is followed by teasing, rumor spreading, physical assaults, isolation, threats, stealing and sexual harassment.

Although cyber bullying was the least common type of bullying, it does deserve special attention because of its reach. Rather than a few people witnessing an in-person bullying event, cyber bullying can attract the attention of hundreds or even thousands of witnesses and the event can persist on the Internet for years.

 

Bullying Targets

Anyone who is different makes an easy target for bullying. More than 90 percent of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth experience bullying.

Students with Asperger’s syndrome and Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder are also common targets of bullies. Students who are overweight, have a striking physical feature or dress differently than their peers may also find themselves the targets of bullies.

Of those who are bullied, only 20 to 30 percent report the events to teachers, parents or school counselors.

 

Witnesses of Bullying

Bullying affects the entire school. More than 70 percent of students in grades 6 through 12 have witnessed bullying. When someone intervenes within ten seconds of a bullying event, the bullying stops more than 57 percent of the time.

Parents, teachers and the community can come together to change these bullying statistics for the better. When adults demonstrate cooperation and setting good examples, children in turn will follow these positive behaviors. It will take time, but it can happen.

Armed with the 2014 bullying statistics, parents and educators can see what they need to look out for in order to put a stop to bullying.

 

What is Bystander Mobilization?

November 24, 2014 | 0 Comment(s)

Coorperation

Bullying and harassment among children and teens have become a hot-button issue in contemporary society as a rash of suicides have swept the country. The victims may feel like they have nowhere to turn and act out by harming themselves.

In response to this crisis, an emerging practice that empowers other students to put an end to bullying has started gaining traction. While bystander mobilization might be encouraged by teachers and other adult authority figures, the ability to put a stop to bullying is left in the hands of the students.

 

The Bystander Effect

Students often feel powerless to stop a peer who they witness bullying others. In the moment, they may fear that speaking up will turn the bully’s attention on them. As such, they don’t take any action, especially if there are other students watching the bullying occur.

This is referred to as the “bystander effect,” in which people do not go out of their way to help others in distress when there are other witnesses to an event. In instances of bullying, bystanders – especially children – don’t want to get involved and single themselves out.

Afterward, they may feel upset, stressed or guilty over what happened, even if they were only watching what was going on.

 

Bystander Mobilization

Bystander mobilization is a way of turning that weakness into a form of strength. It asks witnesses to call out the bully and his or her behavior during the act itself, whether it’s taking place in front of them, down the hall or even online.

The child is encouraged to address the victim and make sure that they are all right, while also pointing out that the actions of the bully are wrong to other children watching. In some instances, they may encourage other bystanders to leave so that the bully doesn’t have an audience and thus the attention they crave.

When one person speaks out, it becomes easier for others watching to speak out against the bully.

 

Bystander Mobilization – it takes courage and ethics

Stepping forward and showing a bully that their behavior is damaging and dangerous takes courage, but it can be immensely rewarding for children of all ages. By addressing the act of bullying in the moment, they can help de-escalate and stop harassment before it causes long-term physical or psychological harm.

Bystander mobilization can also give children and teens greater experience with confidence and empathy, making it less likely that they will simply ignore bullying that they witness in the future.

 

Bullying and depression

November 10, 2014 | 0 Comment(s)

Bullying and depression often go hand in hand for both the victims as well as the bullies. People who experience cyber bullying are at an even greater risk of developing clinical depression.

Fortunately, there are ways that parents can take action by being attentive to the warning signs and helping their children learn ways to stand up for themselves and develop strong self-esteem.

 

Links Between Bullying and Depression

Psychologists and child development experts have established many links between bullying and depression in children. The depression that results from being bullied may last for many years and can even linger after the bullying behaviors are stopped.

Children who have experienced cyber bullying may develop more serious symptoms of depression, especially if the bullying is perpetrated by anonymous individuals.

Some of the additional effects of being bullied include:fear-of-failure

  • Anxiety
  • Physical illness, aches and discomfort
  • Low self-esteem
  • Decreased participation in extra-curricular activities and hobbies
  • Increased absence rate from school

 

Symptoms of Depression in Children

While some of the symptoms of depression in children are similar to the symptoms that adults experience, children may also react in other ways. Children may show more physical symptoms of depression.

Signs parents, caregivers and teachers should look for in the victims of bullying include:

  • Unexplained outbursts of crying or anger
  • Changes in sleep patterns, including increased sleepiness or insomnia
  • Not being able to concentrate on school work or tasks
  • Sudden changes in appetite or eating habits
  • Increased tiredness, fatigue and slow movement
  • Giving away of favorite or prized possessions
  • Withdrawing from social situations
  • Increased restlessness and anxiousness
  • Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • Increased talk of death and mentions of suicide

 

Taking Action to Prevent Bullying

Frequent communication with a child who is experiencing bullying is key to identifying the symptoms of depression. Parents along with teachers and other professionals can take steps to prevent bullying and depression that follows.

Physicians and school counselors can help parents and children gain access to the care and resources they need for overcoming the effects of bullying. In some cases, individual or family counseling may be recommended.

Any parent or professional who feels that their child is in immediate danger should treat the situation as a medical emergency and contact the appropriate local authorities for urgent assistance.

Bullying does not have to be a rite of passage for children if parents and teachers take action to end it.

 

How to Help Bullied Children

October 27, 2014 | 0 Comment(s)

bullying_1

 

The elephant in the room today is the bullying and depression experienced by many school children. Bullying has been around for centuries, but in the modern world, the opportunities for even anonymous bullying abound. How can parents help their children if they suspect they are the victims of bullying at school?

There are a variety of opinions regarding the best way to respond to a bully. The old-fashioned way was to hit the bully back. Today, a youngster who responds to emotional or physical bullying at school with retaliatory violence often finds themselves punished. There are several predominant ideas for responding appropriately to a bully:

• Enlist the help of the bully’s parents or a teacher at school
• Travel with other friends instead of being alone
• Seek counseling to find support until the issue is resolved
• Have the victim enroll in a martial arts class to gain confidence in facing large, aggressive bullies

Overall, no one else can force the bully to stop their behavior. There could and should be significant consequences for their actions; however, no guarantees exist that bullies will learn their lesson. Therefore, the focus generally needs to remain with the victim of the bullying.

A child experiencing bullying may exhibit behavior such as unexpectedly crying or bursting out in anger. They may suddenly lose interest in activities that they used to love to participate in. A previously healthy child may complain of aches and pains with no identifiable physical cause. Appetites might change. Grades that were excellent may plummet.

Obviously, any of the above occurrences would cause a parent to be concerned for the well-being of their child. The best defense in this case is an offense of love, concern, attention and a listening ear. The effects of bullying, whether cyber, physical or emotional, can be devastating in a developing youngster.

Bullying and depression do not go away by themselves. If the bullying is occurring on school grounds and officials are not responding in helpful ways, it may be time to find a different education option. If the bullying is online, then perhaps it is time to help the child find other means of communicating with their friends. The most important thing a bullied child needs is continually expressed and demonstrated parental love.

Bullying and special needs children

October 13, 2014 | 0 Comment(s)

shy-child

 

Children with physical, developmental, intellectual, emotional and sensory disabilities are at an increased risk of experiencing bullying at school and in other public places where they spend time, such as playgrounds and parks.

A child with disabilities may not have the verbal skills to speak up for himself or herself and may be more physically vulnerable to aggressive actions performed by bullies. In addition, some types of disabilities cause a child to become a bully.

Teachers, parents and other important adults in the lives of children with disabilities can come together to identify problem behaviors and work towards a solution.

 

Types of Bullying That Affect Children With Special Needs

Bullying is a power imbalance that occurs between two or more people. In most cases, bullying takes place over a duration of time and often progresses to a worsening level of behavior and actions.

There are many forms of bullying that affect children with special needs, including spreading rumors, cyber bullying, teasing, verbal harassment, racial slurs, taunting, making obscene gestures, threats, spitting, kicking, slapping, punching and hitting. Any of these can happen to a child with special needs who may not understand the context or even why people are doing that to him or her.

 

Rights of Children With Special Needs Who Are Bullied

Children with special needs are protected against bullying, harassment and other forms of intimidation. Under federal law, Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, school systems must address any bullying or threatening behavior exhibited towards children with special needs.

This is true for Head Start all the way through college.

 

Creating a Safe Environment for Children With Disabilities

Schools must provide accommodations for children with special needs.

When bullying takes place, the child must first and foremost be kept safe. Once any medical needs are addressed, the bullying behavior can be considered. Creating a safe environment for children with disabilities may require actions such as amending the IEP, having a meeting with the school counselor and principal, or scheduling supportive services such as psychotherapy or meetings with social workers.

School-wide programs about anti-bullying topics can also be performed as a way to educate the entire school community about this important issue.

 

Addressing Bullying In Youth Sports

October 6, 2014 | 0 Comment(s)

child-self-defense

 

Bullying has been brought to national attention due to several high-profile tragedies. Bullying in youth sports has been part of the game for decades. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be so.

There are many ways that coaches, parents, referees, volunteers, spectators and kids can work together to keep bullying out of youth sports.

 

Educate Parents

Parents must be educated about the effects of bullying on a victim, the victim’s family, and society as a whole. Some parents may not be willing to believe that their child is the culprit or may try to place the blame upon the victim. Involving coaches and sponsors in the conversation can help to ensure that communication is clear.

 

Call Out Negative Behavior

Institute a clear policy that negative behavior is not allowed by anyone in any aspect of youth sports. Bullying may begin with what seems like simple name-calling or teasing about poor performance. However, the situation can quickly escalate if nothing is done.

Nipping negative behaviors in the bud makes it clear that this type of behavior is not acceptable in youth sports. Every youth sports organization should maintain a zero-tolerance rule that applies to:

•Name-calling
•Teasing
•Aggression
•Threats
•Verbal abuse

 

Become Familiar with Bullying Risk Factors

Understanding the risk factors of becoming a bully can help parents and coaches deter the behavior. Many bullies come from homes where such behavior is typical. There may also be domestic violence in the household.

Bullies often have a short fuse and a bad temper. They may use aggression to solve problems both on and off the field.

 

Being Proactive

Parents and coaches can be proactive at keeping bullying out of youth sports. Coaches can make themselves available to parents and players who need to report problem behavior. Parents can be open and honest with their children about reporting problems and setting good examples of how to treat others. Parents can also teach their children the zero-tolerance rule and not go along with others who are bullying.

Youth sports affords kids the opportunity to form strong relationships, be physically active and learn new skills. Eliminating bullying in youth sports requires that parents, coaches and the community work together to set positive examples, enforce a zero-tolerance policy and create an environment in which everyone is welcome.